けだもの

"A single phenomenon bearing duality — some three hundred watts of love and hate,

a gaze that whirls and aches, its object — uncertain happiness"

Without a word of complaint, face it head-on

Only by living with dignity do things come into view

If I strive somehow to bear it

I thought that would be a blessing indeed

A sin too heavy to bear, enough to break the spirit

The punishment of emotions too stubborn to straighten, too bold to reach

At the dawn when I was so easily broken

The smoldering scent is concrete

Let's desperately patch up the present

Let's put an end to this wandering

Chasing after unchanging facts

is, of course, reckless

I wept to my heart's content, strove without care

It went unrewarded — which of us is the beast?

How foolish — I'm in love

To the point of destroying myself

Even once, if only now — I'm yours, aren't I?

And you — you're mine, aren't you?

Stroking the dragon's whiskers, stepping on the tiger's tail

Stepping on the tiger's tail, crossing thin ice

Yet still, I accept it willingly

...though it hurts a little

The words of love you gave me that day

are you saying they were all lies?

Yet still, I can keep believing

...I am in love

Merely confirming, rotting away apace — that's a familiar fact, isn't it?

Thus torn open, vomiting, weeping — a consciousness like sand, isn't it?

Greedy, wrathful, drunk and foolish — am I to be called the beast?

Then who, in the world, made me this beast

It's you — it's all your doing

I can never return to the man I once was

Too late from the start. Namu sanbou — I am already...

I don't understand — even the fact that I'm alive

At the very least, I wanted to be loved

Even once, I wanted to know happiness, to know you

I wanted us to confirm each other

"If so, I shall eye this fleeting world like a tiger:

..Shariputra, form is not different from emptiness, emptiness is not different from form; form is emptiness, emptiness is form. Feelings, perceptions, volitions and consciousness are likewise. Shariputra, all dharmas are marked with emptiness: not born, not destroyed, not defiled, not pure, not increasing, not decreasing. Therefore in emptiness there is no form, no feelings, perceptions, volitions or consciousness; no eye, ear, nose, tongue, body or mind; no color, sound, smell, taste, touch or object of mind; no realm of sight, up to no realm of consciousness; no ignorance, no end of ignorance, up to no old age and death, no end of old age and death; no suffering, accumulation, cessation or path; no wisdom, no attainment, because nothing is attainable. Bodhisattvas rely on Prajnaparamita, so their minds are unobstructed; with no obstruction, there is no fear; far beyond all inverted views, they reach ultimate nirvana. All Buddhas of past, present and future rely on Prajnaparamita and attain Anuttara Samyak Sambodhi.."

I can't bear it — this absurd, sorrowful world

A life tearing apart moment by moment

If that's so, then cap off "human feeling"

I can wish for nothing more

Absurd — nothing, not even for him

I've gone as far as one can go

These days — come, on to the final night!

I will live on as the lone monk's "beast"!

...at the very least, I wanted to be loved